You stupid motherfucker!   The OP's ex was not trying to have "alone time", as you call it.  The bitch (and I'm assuming the ex is a bitch because he said "can't you go anywhere without a male escort?"), was not ALONE.  She went to the movies with another GUY!!!   She couldn't wait to see the fucking movie, so she cheated on her boyfriend just to get the other guy to take her to the movie.  She was too cheap to buy her own ticket and have some "ALONE TIME" at the movie.

Next time, please read the OP's rage before rushing to the keyboard and driveling all over it.  And if you can't read rages and jerk off at the same time, do one or the other.  Saves a lot of anger and messy clean up too.

Don't listen to these other assholes.  They don't understand the pangs of betrayal.  That bitch knew better and did it any way.  Pretend to make up with her before you leave her.  Admit you were wrong and overbearing.  Then, coax her into anal sex, cum up her ass, donkey punch her, and if she's at your place, throw her onto the lawn and call the cops.  Say there is a psycho trying to break in.  Have fun.

Oink, oink, oink! 

Some interesting facts about pigs:

Pigs (also called hogs or swine) are animals that have small eyes, a small "tail" and a snout for a nose. A pig only needs to eat 2.5 kilos of feed to grow 1 kilo.  Some domestic pigs have escaped from mommy farms and become feral. There are also special breeding farms, which concentrate on breeding boars, hence the existence of millions of "boorish" pigs.  Pigs eat almost any kind of food, they also they eat their faeces to help their digestion. There are over 2 billion domestic pigs around the world! The pot-bellied pig has limited uses and is kept as a pet or a meal ticket.

I know the banks are all in trouble. In the past when I made a cash withdrawal they always gave me new bills. Since 2008, everytime I go to a bank they give me very old bills. I'm mean these bills are so fucking old they are ready to turn into dust. This tells me that the gov't  either stopped making new bills or the new biils can't keep up with the amount of cash withdrawal people are making at banks.

The USA Banking system is totally fucked.

I mean how do you fix fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, they have multi-trillion dollar problems and are taken over by the gov't.

I suspect the gov't will just delay the inevitable by saying these instituions are now sound! TOTAL BULLSHIT!!!!!!

I liked being compared to Chris Pine a lot better. Besides, I can't squeal like a pig nearly as well as Ned.

~Pig squealing actors not the look he's going for in the ROYAL House Of Blues~

I know the banks are all in trouble. In the past when I made a cash withdrawal they always gave me new bills. Since 2008, everytime I go to a bank they give me very old bills. I'm mean these bills are so fucking old they are ready to turn into dust. This tells me that the gov't  either stopped making new bills or the new biils can't keep up with the amount of cash withdrawal people are making at banks.

The USA Banking system is totally fucked.

I mean how do you fix fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, they have multi-trillion dollar problems and are taken over by the gov't.

I suspect the gov't will just delay the inevitable by saying these instituions are now sound! TOTAL BULLSHIT!!!!!!

Say there!   I fixed those little pussies, Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, by taking them to the vet on the same day.   As for all the dusty old money, I just shred it for their litter boxes.

And may God Bless.

you're a loser,   no one wants to be seen with you.

let alone be with you.

why not pull a carridine?   save us from you.

now, fuck off.

(opening music of the Star Trek original series) Ta Ta Ta, ta--ta ta ta ta,  TA TA......

These are the ongoing voyages of the Starship Enterprise.    Our five year mission:  To seek out new life for old televsion series in syndication.  To reach new audience markets.  To sell Star Trek schlock and hype Star Trek conventions.   To boldy go and breach the cannons of good taste and credibility as no show has done before.

Captain's Log ---------   Stardate:   23-00-281-6969-00000

Captain James Tiberias Kirk, commanding.

We have entered the Reproductive System in answer to a distress call from Dr. Frank-N-Furter, who left his homeworld of Transsexual in search of the rare Hymen Flower, which has reported miraculous healing properties for various venereal diseases.    Dr. Frank-N-Furter's last contact came from the planet Clamidia, a planet known for its extremely agressive Virgin Amazon.  These xenophobic women warriors worship their goddess Vaginismus by sacrificing any male (straight or gay) to the goddess by amputating his penis and offering his balls in something known as "a sling".    Our mission is to rescue Dr. Frank-N-Furter before he meets this awful fate.

Captain Kirk - "Lt. Uhura!  Contact StarFleet and tell them we have arrived at the planet Clamidia.

Lt. Uhura - "Aye. Aye. Captain."

Captain Kirk - "Mr. Spock.   Bring up Dr. Frank-N-Furter's image."

Mr. Spock - "Yes Captain."  (brings up image of Dr. Frank-N-Furter on main viewer)

Mr. Sulu - "Wow!!!  Is that real satin and lace???"

Captain Kirk - "Mr. Sulu!!! Get a hold of yourself man!!!"

Mr. Sulu - "But Captain!  Look at those legs!  And that corset and those stockings and garters and those heels.  My God!!!  Those heels!!!"

Captain Kirk - "Mr. Chekov!   Escort Mr. Sulu to sickbay.  He's having a gay breakdown."

Mr. Chekov - "But Keptin Kirk!  Do I hef to?  My anus has still not recovered from the lest time I escorted Mr. Sulu to sick bey."

Captain Kirk - "That's an order Mr. Chekov!  Tell Dr. McCoy to give you some Preparation H."

Captain Kirk - "Spock.  Who's that woman standing behind Dr. Frank-N-Furter?"

Mr. Spock - " I believe that is his assistant Janet.  She is from another planet."

Captain Kirk - "Fascinating.   Mr. Spock I'm going to beam Janet from behind, er, I mean beam down to find this Janet.  She may be able to help me rescue Dr. Frank-N-Furter.   Have Mr. Scott ready the transporter.   I will also need a disquise.  Since they're an all female society, I'll need some women's clothing and underwear.    Yes, something cute and black.  Lt. Uhura!   I must have your uniform - now Lt.!"

Lt. Uhura - "Captain Kirk!  I don't mind taking off my uniform for you but, with all due respect Captain, I don't think you can fill out the top part."

Mr. Spock - "Lt. Uhura is right Captain.  May I suggest you raid Mr. Sulu's closet.  He is not in it right now because he's in sick bay having an enema."

Captain Kirk - "Spock!  Are you out of your Vulcan mind?  You know I can't wear the colors he wears.  They make my complexion look yellow!   Never mind, I'll just borrow something from Yeoman Janice Rand.  Mr. Spock!  You're in command until I return.  Act as I would have."

Mr. Spock - "Aye. Aye. Captain."

Mr. Spock - (using ship's intercom) "Mr. Scott.  This is Mr. Spock.  Captain Kirk has left me in command.  Please beam Captain Kirk directly into the midst of the Clamidian's penis sacrifice ceremony."

Mr. Scott - (in a concerned tone) "But Mrrrr. Spock!  Won't the Clamidians rrrealize he's a he and attemmmpt to saaacrifice his scrrrrotum?"

Mr. Spock - "Precisely Mr. Scott.  Now carry out my orders."

Mr. Scott (resignedly) - "Ach!  Verra well Mrrrr. Spock.  Boot the Captain'll nay be happy aboot this."

Commercial break (15 minutes).   Show resumes with Spock in the Captain's chair.

Mr. Spock - (recording) "Captain's log continued.  Commander Spock reporting.   Captain Kirk has been beamed directly to sick bay.  It would appear that the Captain has also been injured while being beamed as part of a Clamidian ceremony, involving a ritual object known as a 'Strap-On'.    I am expecting a report from Dr. McCoy imminantly."

Dr. McCoy enters the bridge.

Mr. Spock - "Dr. McCoy.  What is the status of the Captain's 'log'?"

Dr. McCoy - "Damn it Spock!!!  I'm a Doctor, not a miracle worker!!!   I'm still trying to sew the damn thing back on.   Sulu has offerec a foreskin transplant, but I'm not sure it'll work."

Mr. Spock - "A foreskin transplant from a homosexual to a homosapien.  Fascinating!  Very well Dr. McCoy.  Carry on."

Dr. McCoy leaves the bridge muttering.

Mr. Scott - (rushing onto the bridge) "Mrrrr. Spock!!!  Thank the Laird eye've foond ye!  The Clamidians have infected our dilithium cyrrrstals.  It'll take hoours to rrrrrepairrrr!"

Mr. Spock - "Lt. Uhura.  Please call Yeoman Janice Rand and Nurse Chappel.  Have them, and yourself, meet me in my quarters in ten minutes."

Lt. Uhura - "Yes SIR Mr. Spock!!!"

Mr. Spock - "Mr. Chekov.  You have the comm until my conference with Lt. Uhura, Nurse Chappel and Yeoman Rand is over."

Mr. Chekov - "But Meester Spook!!!  Wut aboot Meester Sulu?  He outrenks me!  He should be een command."

Mr. Spock - "Mr. Sulu is in sick bay, donating scrotal tissue and foreskin to Captain Kirk.  Carry on Mr. Chekov."

Mr. Spock and Lt. Uhura leave the bridge and enter the turbo-lift (to the sound of her giggling "Oh Mr. Spock!"

Mr. Chekov - (to Mr. Scott) "Thet vill titch the Keptin not to steal Mr. Spook's lines."

Mr. Scott - "Aye laddie!   That it will!"

Fade to space star field.

Voice over (by Mr. Spock):

These are the ongoing reruns of the Star Trek series.   My mission is to carry on with my career in narrating documentary films and living off my residuals from Star Trek.

Movie Guy's Log:

I've seen this series too.   Every episode.  Several times.  And all the squels.  And all the movies.   My continuing mission is to post random bullshit comments, most of which relate to some sort of movie trivia, while continuing to entertain as many JustRagrs as possible.

ENGAGE!!!!!!

Eat shit, Fucktard. King Soul is better than you ever were. Your just bitter because he kicked your ass.

No Love.  It's Woody.  Miss you too in a woody, teary eyed, kind of way.  

You might say I pine  fir  yew.  I also balsam.   I get all Japanese maple over you.   Not those Canadian maples.  But a real hardwood!

It's all about the wood Babe.  It's all about the wood.   Captain's log.  Know what I mean?

Woody The Woodpecker says (quote) "I want to thrill you when I drill you."  (end quote)

You must not get out much.    

 I mean you must not get out much from your 1960's swivel chair, behind that old folding card table your 1990's pc is balanced on.   

Not that I'm all that interested to know but, just out of curiosity, how often do you empty that old Cheez Ballz container you piss in so you don't have to get from your chair so much?

---
Apply directly to the forehead.

What a gas!!!  That remark about watching SciFi to practice noises to make when faking an orgasm!  Classic rage.  I can hear your pain man.  Forget the bitch.  There'll be plenty of others.  You can even find them in the movie theater lobbies.  

Best of luck trying to find one thats not a whore tho.   Its almost impossible to fine one whose pussy is a place 'WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE".   Ha ha!

Hey asshole, heres anothr StarTrek rage.

One lne.

Scene from Voyager, under attack......

Captain Janeway  "Emergency Medical Hologram!"

The Doctor  "Does someone need a doctor?"

Captain Janeway  "Doctor! We're under attack by the Clamidians, we may need veneral disease vaccines to ward off a mass outbreak of the Clap!"

The Doctor  "Hmm?  The clap you say?  I'll see what I can do, but STD's are difficult to prevent here in the vacuum of space.  Ah!  I have it!   A mass dosage of Vagisil, deployed at the Clamidians via phaser cannon."

Captain Janeway  "Thank you Doctor.  Chakotay! Have Engineering prepare a torpedo tube with the Vagisil."

Tuvok  "Captain Janeway.  I believe I should point out that the corrosive effects of the Clamidian atmosphere may dissolve the torpedo casing before it hits the planet surface."

Lt. Paris   "Captain Janeway, I think I know how to get the full load ejaculated onto the planet."

Captain Janeway  "Let's hear it Mr. Paris."

Lt. Paris   "Let me call B'lanna.  She can work out the engineering details."

Captain Janeway  "Make it so."

Tuvok   "Captain Janeway.  I feel I must warn you that you may be charged with copyright infringement for using Captain Picard's lines."

Captain Janeway   "Can it Vulcan.  We're all in the same franchise.  We're licensed.  Besides, we're in the Delta Quadrant.  By the time they prosecute, we'll all be dead."

Chakotay  "Captain Janeway, we're all set to go on the torpedo full of Vagisil."

Captain Janeway  "Excellent.  How did B'lanna Torres manage it?"

Chakotay   "Well, B'lanna suggested we cover the torpedo with a large rubber condom."

Captain Janeway   "But where did she find one so big?"

Lt. Paris  "No problem Captain.  We just replicated a standard sized one from the Klingon's database.

Tuvok   "Fascinating."

Captain Janeway  "Now who's line stealing Tuvok?   Oh let's get on with this.   Chakotay!   Arm the torpedo and fire the Photonic Condom!"

Chakotay  "Aye Aye Captain."

Suddenly Q appears on the bridge.

Q  "Well, well Kathy!   I see you're up to more tricks.  Why don't I come in your quarters?"

Captain Janeway  "Don't you mean come into my quarters ?"

Q   "No.  I said it right the first time.   And let's have that Borg hottie join us."

Captain Janeway  "Oh all right.   But I warn you, she prefers to stand.   Chakotay, your in command until I come.   I mean until I come back."

Chakotay  "Aye Aye Captain."

Q   (as he and the Captain exit the bridge)  "What's with all those superfluous 'Aye Aye's'?.  Sorry, but I just can't stand Spics.   And hurry up Kathy.  I can hardly wait to show you my Q-Tip."

Scene fades to black, while the voice over by Leonard Nimoy starts......

"Space, the final frontier.   Where mysteries abound.  Such as why there has never been a movie made of Voyager.   We can understand why they'll never make a movie out of Deep Space 9.   Or Enterprise for that matter.   But Voyager?  I mean, come on.  With all those babes?  They are really missing out.   How could the franchise miss such an opportunity?   Fascinating."

If they ever do make a move of Voyager, I will be able to say, I've seen that movie too.

Jesus Christ in a hand-cart!   WTF?