FUBAR raged 1 year ago ——

I hate motherfucking funerals they are shit. Unless of course it is a funeral for some fuck politician or overpaid executive or some shithead like that. There is always some stupid motherfucker at a funeral that pisses me off. Then there are the few pieces of fucking donkey shit that always show up. But it is the motherfucking lowlife cowardly sacks of dickshit that are complete scumbag fucks that should be put to death that show up that I focus on.


At a funeral one is supposed to be gracious, patient, compassionate, kind and tolerant of motherfuckers and all of that type of bullshit. But there is just that one motherfucker that you just want to turn into a hammered shit stain. I just want to break this motherfuckers legs, curb his fucking ass and afterwards piss all over him.


So I ask what does it really matter if I crush this motherfucker into the crack of a fucking sidewalk? Does it really matter if I beat this motherfucker within an inch of his life? So I leave the imprint of my wingtips on his fucked brain big motherfucking deal.


Fuck Funerals & Fuck Family!!
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Tags: funeral, family, death, All, 
  •     DoItFucker  1 year ago

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  •     Anonymous  1 year ago
    Hi FUBAR.

    I hear you man. Assholes at every funeral. Really sucks.

    But have you ever tried going to a funeral from a family othe than your own? Or a funeral from another ethnicity or culture? I think these might be actually kind of better and way more fun than a family funeral for the following reasons . . . . .

    Italian funerals feature -

    a. More drama and better acting, espcially the guy who did the hit on the deceased acting sorry and respectful.

    b. By far the best food.

    c. A chance to write in the guest book "You should have paid me, Tony Soprano".

    Chinese funerals feature -

    a. Everyone dressed in white instead of black for a change

    b. More great food.

    c. And what's not to like about a closed casket, chanting monks, paid wailing mourners, and fireworks?

    Jewish funerals feature -

    a. Same day express service. Jewish law requires burial before sundown of the same or next day after the death.

    b. Fabulous display of jewelry on both men and women.

    c. Ability to collect enough business cards to solve all your financial, medical, insurance, real estate and legal issues for life.

    Black funerals feature -

    a. Great gospel singing.

    b. Awesome eulogies.

    c. Seven pall bearers - six to carry the casket and one to carry the radio.

    Hispanic funerals feature -

    a. You get to go home in a different car than you came in.

    b. Low rider hearse.

    c. Funeral ends when someone yells "La Immigra!!!"

    Indian funerals feature -

    a. If you missed going to the circus as a kid, here's your chance.

    b. Cremation of the deceased - sort of like a barbeque.

    c. Live band - even if it sounds like cats that have been partially run over.

    Irish funerals feature -

    a. Lousy food, but great booze.

    b. Lousy religious service in Latin, but great booze.

    c. Did I mention great booze?

    Redneck funerals feature -

    a. All the deceased wives are present for comparisson.

    b. No guest book due to no one having "larnt thar lettrs".

    c. Dogs allowed.

    Pagan funerals feature -

    a. Everyone gets laid.

    b. Everyone gets laid.

    c. Everyone gets laid.

    Polish funerals feature -

    a. Two rememberance cards. One is too small for the whole name to be printed on it.

    b. People bring the deceased the birthday cards they forgot to send last year, beacuse now they know the date he was born.

    c. Half the people there are at the wrong funeral, but it doesn't matter because the hearse shows up at the wrong cemetery.

    So cheer up FUBAR. There's a great funeral out there just waiting for you to attend.

    KPissed - Director of Funeral Ettiquette

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  •     Anonymous  1 year ago
    ummm idwk

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  •     Anonymous  1 year ago
    People suck on most other occasions, so why should funerals be any different. The only difference is they wear black and expect free food.

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  •     Anonymous  1 year ago
    kpissed i almost died reading that

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  •     hobhead  11 months ago
    there is no way that my relatives would dare to have a wake or funeral after my demise. i carry a card that donates the carcass to medical science pronto and they come to fetch it.

    my ancient mother dictated that she have a full on funeral-huge expensive and worthless. i had to make small talk for days with her backwards, religious old cronies-ugggh!

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  •     KING SoulTaker 6  11 months ago
    I agree Funeral's suck, but they do offer a plausible excuse why you're crying when you're around your family.

    ~Helps spare their feelings that you personally can't stand them in the ROYAL House Of Blues~

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  •     Anonymous  11 months ago
    I hate mother fuckers who have to start talking up old shit rehashing old bullshit and generaly making themselves a big pain in the ass. When someone is dead, show some fucking respect and leave your old baggage outside the funeral home door.

    And as for those ass fuckers who come in to sign the guest book and get a note from the funeral director just so they can take off from work. You fucks are just unspeekable.

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  •     Anonymous  11 months ago
    I will piss on your coffin fucker!

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  •     Anonymous  11 months ago
    My balls, my balls ,my balls are on fire. burn mother fucker,burn mother fucker, burn mother fucker, let the mother fuckers burn

    HeadOn

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  •     Arenaria  11 months ago
    As a retired florist.awe man, the stories I could tell you about battling families! I did a LOT of funerals, and had to deal with some really LOW people.

    Fist fights, name calling...food throwing, and all out family brawls on the lawn of the funeral home!

    Had this one funeral once, where a 20 something kid accidently?..shot himself playing Russian Roulette. I had no less then FIVE woman come in and introduce themselves as his fiance!

    This one very old, very wealthy man, was married to this younger, mean-spirited, goldigging bitch. well un-known to her, old Louie had a gay lover in Florida where he would vacation every summer without her. Well when they read the will, she learned he left everything to the lover in Florida. She checked the Visa records and found out that Louie had been ordering flowers from me for years to be wired to the lover..and came in my store and yelled at me!!! Wtf?..Am I a marriage councilor?

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  •     Anonymous  11 months ago
    Lol Arenaria, you should write a book. There's nothing like weddings and funerals to bring out the worst in people! ~

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  •     Anonymous  11 months ago
    Arenaria you should write a book. Why not start practicing here on Just Rage?

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